To be offended or to draw conclusions

All our emotions are nothing but a reaction to what is happening. Any act or action of other people is analyzed, evaluated by the psyche and compared with our expectations. As a result, emotions arise. Positive, if everything happens as we expected or better. And negative ones if something went wrong. Resentment is one of the emotions on the negative spectrum.

Resentment tells us that we are being treated unfairly, unfairly, not in the way we expected, and gives us energy, strength to change, restore justice through actions. 

But, as often happens, it cannot be realized in the form of actions.  For various reasons: due to situational and social constraints, the inadequacy of our perception of what is happening, etc. And then, without being able to be realized in action, it can leave its mark on the human psyche. And the consequences can be very different. Someone will suppress it, and it will “sleep” until it is triggered by some trigger. Someone will make plans for revenge and even devote the rest of their life to it, depriving themselves of the opportunity to live fully. Someone will avoid situations where it is at least hypothetically possible to relive the same feelings. And it happens that a person lives all his life with a child’s resentment, living that traumatic situation over and over again, remembering, suffering. The possibilities are truly endless…

Therefore, it is very important to reflect, analyze your feelings and look for the reasons that caused them. If you feel offended, answer a series of questions. What exactly caused this feeling? Is it rational? Are your expectations logical or possible? 

If the emotion is not logical, not rational, then you need to try to understand all the meaninglessness and let it go. Often understanding the absurdity of an emotion is enough to get rid of it. 

But it happens that “I know everything, I understand everything, but I can’t do anything.” Then, most likely, we are talking about a neurotic reaction, and the underlying causes are deeper. In this case, the study will require the use of psychotherapy techniques. You can use the materials and tools posted on the site, or seek help from a psychotherapist.

If the emotion is justified, can you do something to restore justice? What exactly do I need to do? What will it cost you? Is it rational and profitable to seek justice? Are you willing to pay that price? If so, feel free to seek justice. But if not, then draw conclusions and recognize the futility of further experiencing this emotion. Let go of it and direct your energy towards achieving your goals.

Sometimes people can’t figure out the reasons for their reactions themselves. Then it will be useful to fill out a diary of stimuli for 1-2 weeks and / or take a “life audit” course, which will help you better understand the sources of your own reactions. 

In working out feelings of resentment, the main thing is to let go of the situation and forgive. To forgive another person, the world, fate, circumstances, etc. To forgive means to stop waiting for justice to be restored and to take this step first for yourself. After all, the negative emotions that we keep in ourselves are harmful only to us,and not to the person, and especially not to the circumstances that caused them. At the same time, to forgive does not mean to justify a person or circumstances and their rightness. It means letting go, recognizing the impossibility of restoring justice or the senselessness, the unprofitability of it. Stop wasting brain energy on resentment. Working out resentment removes the automatic reaction and makes it possible to react rationally. 

Answering the question in the title of the article: draw conclusions, of course. The biological meaning of emotion is to form a new model of behavior, to adapt to changed conditions. But to do this, you need to reflect and draw conclusions.